Oh man. What have I gotten myself into this timeā¦? I was unsure which topic to write about this week, so I put up a poll on our Twitter and Instagram pages with three article ideas and left the decision up to our readers. The tie-breaker by ONE vote was the post Iām writing now: Why I love horror.
I feel a bit ill, honestly. This is a question Iāve been asked hundreds of times, throughout my entire life, but Iāve never answered it. Not publicly. Not in full.
When asked, I would either deflect the question (āOh, well, you knowā¦ How about you? Why do you love it??ā) or give an honest ā but very minimal ā answer.
But, since this is the topic that was chosen by the readers who were willing to vote (via button clicks, comments, and DMs), I guess itās finally time I answered. In full. To the best of my abilities.
Iāll start by expanding a little on my āusualā answers so theyāre not partial anymore. And then share my main, secret-until-now, reason for truly loving the horror genre.
No more deflecting. Letās do this.
1. I Was Born Into It
This has been my go-to answer since childhood. Itās true, it usually gets a chuckle, and those who remain intrigued after the answer is given generally care more about hearing stories regarding my ultra-cool parents than anything I have to say/think/feel about the genre.
It was an easy way to answer the question honestly, boost horror peeps whoāre way more awesome than I am (my folks, their art, our horror industry buddies, etc.), and inevitably make the asker forget it was originally my mind they were interested in probing.
Iām the only child of Rob and Cathy Tharp. You may not know their names ā only the extreme diehards do ā but youāre likely familiar with their work.
Both of my parents did practical FX work (painting, mostly) for horror movies from the mid-1970s into the early 2000s.
Or, if youāre a mask collector, you may know them for their 40+ years working at Don Post Studios. They worked at DPS ā painting, sculpting, mold making, mold pouring, etc. ā from 1974 until, literally, the companyās final day of existence in 2012. (Gross but true: I threw up so violently the day I got the call DPS went under, I crapped my pants. Iāve never handled drastic, unexpected, changes wellā¦ But the demise of Don Post Studios was definitely a record-breaker, even for me, for having zero chill).
My parents met at Don Post Studios in the 1970s, got married in 1983, and I was born in 1985. When I say āI was born into it,ā I truly mean it. By the time I was born, my parents were both established artists in the horror genre.
My first experience watching a movie in a theater was the cast and crew screening of Beetlejuice. I played with all of the Krite puppets (and kissed every Krite I could reach on the enormous critter ball!) in the FX shop when my dad was working on Critters 2. I dipped my fingers in The Blob. Experiences like that were my childhood norm.
My mom, whenever possible, would opt to do her work from home as a freelancer in order to spend more time with me. I was a bit āspecial needsā and reliable, trustworthy babysitters who were willing to put in extra effort were difficult to come by.
Due to Mom working on horror movie FX and mask work from home, we always had an assortment of monsters, creatures, aliens, and other oddities in our house. And I loved it.
I loved it for the most basic, obvious, reason: Because all that stuff is frigginā cool!
But I also loved it for deeper, more personal reasonsā¦
Remember how I said I donāt handle change well? How being around horror was my norm?
Periods when monsters were scarce within our household were not normal ā a change in my environment that made me downright panicky. While some find creepy characters and gore unsettling, I found them a source of comfort I couldnāt bear to be without.
Prefer a more logical, less āLaurenās brain might be fundamentally broken,ā reason? No worries:
When our house was filled with monsters, it meant weād still have a house in the weeks to come. It meant not having to go hungry. Horror FX and monster masks kickinā around our home, meant my parents were working ā they meant money, security, hope for the future.
As any freelancer (writer, artist, or otherwise) knows: When you donāt work, you donāt get paid. You donāt get paid, you canāt pay the bills, you canāt feed your family.
Soā¦ yeah. I love having monsters in the house. Theyāre essential to my familyās very survival.
In other words, while my go-to āI was born into itā answer to āwhy do you love horror?ā is true there are far more layers than my quick/easy responseās smile and half-shrug let on.
However, while thatās been one of my reasons for loving horror sinceā¦wellā¦birthā¦ itās not the only reason. Itās my longest-held reason for appreciating the horror genre, but itās not the real nitty-gritty.
2. I Love the Horror Community
Iāve stated this reason before, on this very website, in my article āHorror Friends Are the Best Friends: Hereās Why!ā However, other than briefly touching on a childhood story and stating that the amazing horror community was the primary reason my buds and I created HorrorFam.com (true!), I didnāt delve deeply into why I, personally, am enamored with the horror community.
If youāve read the article, you already know there are several lovely, science-based, reasons why horror fans make awesome friend candidates (even for non-horror folks!). The horror fandom is proven to hold a plethora of calm, kind, creative individuals ā they have a uniquely intoxicating energy thatās hard to not want more of!
Thereās also the āno duhā reason for loving the horror community: Who doesnāt enjoy hanging around people who share common interests? Itās fun to mull over the morbid, to chuckle at the creepy, and grin at the ghastly with folks who react with equal joy (rather than slowly backing away in terror).
Quirkiness is appreciated, awkwardness is (usually) understood, and weird is wonderful within the horror community. If you randomly blurt out an excited ramble about exploding heads while among fellow horror fans, they join inā¦ rather than using it as an excuse to tie you up, pour dirt down your underwear, and throw rocks at you on the playground.
That last sentence was an actual incident from my personal past. Sixth graders are not kind.
Iāve always been āweirdāā¦
I disliked school immensely. I was good at school (I was in GATE, I got amazing grades, I won awards and honors, etc.), but I didnāt enjoy it. After graduating high school, I was done with formal education. I worked various jobs, learned skills on my own, and opened my own writing/editing business at age 25.
Iāve always been a bubbly friendly sort. I enjoy most people and Iāve always liked to socialize (in brief burstsā¦ unplanned or extended socializing is exhausting, even if itās been lovely). But, while I had hundreds ā thousands, now, thanks to social media ā of friendly acquaintances, I had few true friends.
The handful of people I could speak with freely and be truly āmeā around were fellow horror fans (or āclosetedā horror fans).
Naturally, growing up, that made things a bit challenging. There werenāt too many kids in elementary school who went home to a house filled with monster masks, waved āhiā to the Robert Smith poster on their wall, and sat down to laugh at Evil Dead II while ingesting their after-school snack.
I was liked ā or at least tolerated ā by my elementary school peers due to my amiable nature, but I was always the class āweirdo.ā And, of course, once those raging puberty hormones hit my peers, all tolerance for my āweirdnessā went galloping out the window (hence my previously mentioned sixth-grade stoning incident). My only friend in sixth grade was my teacher (shoutout to Mrs. Wathen, a brilliant educator and fellow horror movie fan!).
I had mostly male friends in middle school and some of high school. Men tend to be more (openly) drawn to the horror genre and more willing to discuss it. But, once again, hormones betrayed me! *shakes fist* Both in that I suddenly grew enormous boobs (which oft became a more prominent focal point of conversations than anything I was actually saying) and that speaking excitedly with a teenage peer about a common interest is frequently, unfortunately, misinterpreted as flirting (which led to several āWhat? No, I donāt want to makeout with you! I just wanted to talk about the best death scenes in Final Destination!ā-type conversations).
Finding fellow āweirdosā in my peer group was aggravating. But I was never without friends or lonely: My parents friends ā horror industry artists and fans ā were my friends too. My childhood birthday parties were filled with horror lovinā adults that conversed with me as an equal.
I was never a ākids tableā child. My mother had a unique take on children: Theyāre just small adults. My parents treated me thusly, as did their friends.
I displayed an above-average IQ at a young age (I was originally going to be skipped several grades ahead when I was enrolled in Kindergarten, but my parents thought it best that I be with my own age group since I was already odd enough without being the lone five-year-old in a class of nine-year-olds) and was comfortable conversing with adults.
It wasnāt until my older friends started dying that I put any real effort into befriending peers. Even now, many of my friends are 20-40 years older than I am.
But, again, with advances in Internet communication, Iāve been able to finally meet and befriend fellow monster kids/mutants ā like HorrorFam.comās co-founders and, now, many of our readers/listeners! So, when I say I love horror because of the community, I really mean it. You have no idea how much I appreciate yāall.
3. I Find Horror Movies Cathartic, but Maybe Not for the Reasons You Do
Itās generally accepted, even by non-fans, that the horror genre can be cathartic. I even wrote an article about that topic (which was later turned into a downloadable infographic).
For something to be deemed ācathartic,ā it needs to provide some form of psychological relief. You may find catharsis through horror movies because you relate to the characters in some way (the survivors, killers, monsters, and/or victims) and feel validated in your own personal/life experiences outside of the screenās portrayal.
Or, you may get that psychological relief simply in the form of being entertained! Laughter is the best medicine and, for horror fans, thereās a wonderful hilarity to be found in some of the absurdly outside-the-norm situations found in their favorite films.
And I agree with the above. I āfeelā those reasons too. Relating, in some way, to whatās on screen. Enjoying and finding relief in entertainment. All that good stuff.
Butā¦ The main reason, my secret-until-now reason, that I love horror is a reason Iāve never heard spoken aloud until two months ago:
Horror makes sense
So much of the real world is absolutely baffling to me.
I spent most of my life an anxious, neurotic mess. I was deeply depressed for over a decade. Children, even highly intelligent children, are allowed to be simple and itās easy to meet (and exceed) expectations. Adults demand more. Though Iāve always had trouble determining exactly what that āmoreā really is.
Itās like everyone else just magically āknowsā whatās up. Or they were given some sort of manual detailing the unspoken ārulesā (but I guess I slept in that day?). Meanwhile, I usually have no real idea why people are so emotional about things that make little-to-no sense to me.
I can tell theyāre upset ā which is stressful and highly upsetting to me too (I donāt cope well with conflict, and I feel saddened because I genuinely want everyone to be happy) ā but I seldom know why. And people get even more upset when you ask! Which is even worse because then theyāre doubly upset (with whatever irked them in the first place and me).
My close friends (lovingly) tease me about being a ārobotā or an āalien.ā I do a lot of ādumbā things because I interpret almost everything literally. Most sarcasm goes over my head. Iām often accused of ālacking common senseā due to my tendency to be overly naive/trusting/gullible. I have a āblack and whiteā way of processing things thatās gotten me into trouble far more times than I can count.
Humans and their strangely emotional way of dealing with things confounds me! They make up rules ā via constitutions, laws, commandments, etc. ā to tackle problems in logical ways, but they seldom follow their own rules. Itās extremely confusing! I donāt get it.
Iāve spent the bulk of my life quietly observing people. Studying them. Trying to learn their mysterious ways in order to effectively mimic their behaviors enough to get by.
In my younger day, much to the chagrin of my family, I often went out of my way to befriend truly awful people. Grouchy, negativity-filled, manipulative narcissists were intriguing because they were extra puzzling and I (mistakenly) thought the intensity of their perplexity meant they had more to teach me about humanity.
In my thirties, I finally figured out what my parents and more normal-brained (genuine/true) friends tried to tell me all along: Some people are just A-holes.
I āgetā my closest friends and my parents about 90% of the time (and I think they āgetā me at around the same percentage), but thereās only one person I āgetā ā and who āgetsā me ā 100% of the time. I married him. Frank makes sense to me.
The horror genre ā or at least the horror niches I love the most ā make WAY more sense to me than the real world.
A couple of months ago, Frank introduced me to the television series Supernatural. He and our pal/HorrorFam.com co-founder Christi are longtime fans, but Iād never seen it. (We just started season 7 ā no spoilers, please!). But, in season one, episode 15, Dean Winchester said the following:
āWith our usual playmates, thereās rules. Thereās patterns. But with peopleā¦ thereās just crazy.ā
You shouldāve seen my ecstatic grin in that moment! Even though heās a fictional character, Dean spoke aloud my main, most private, lifelong reason for loving horror:
Monsters, demons, and assorted creatures have rules.
Fred Kreuger, the pedo, is disturbing and utterly confusing because heās a human not bound by rules ā his motives are baffling and his actions deeply distressing. But as a dream-hopping monster? Freddy Kreuger suddenly makes sense. Heās bound by the rules of his powers. Heās now a puzzle with a solution.
Even the ātropesā/cliches found in horror films are, at their core, ārulesā of the genreās world. Check the seat behind you in your car. Donāt go into the basement alone. Make sure the killer is actually dead (and take his dang weapon!) before walking away. I may stumble over the secret rules of real-world society, but Iām hella savvy in the horrorverse!
I love horror films, shows, and books because they have rules that are actually followed. The horror genre makes sense in a way that no other genre does. Most emotion-fueled dramas and romances (āWhy doesnāt she just tell him how she feels?!ā) are frustrating. Horror flicks? Theyāre like snuggling up with a comforting, well-loved, plush toy.
And horror comedies are especially special to me. They have the same comforting rules with the addition of humor. When I actually āgetā the jokes in comedies, Iām extra delighted and laugh extra hard.
So There You Have It: Why I Love Horror!
Iām honestly surprised you made it this far!
Wellā¦ there you go, I guess. Now you know.
It still feels strange sharing all of this. As of writing this sentence, I have zero clue how this post will be received. Iāve never heard my specific reasons for loving the genre mentioned before, even among horror fans. Maybe sharing the depth of my weirdness will turn people away.
Or maybe youāre indifferent ā simply hoping that there will be something more traditional (a listicle of nostalgic faves? a review of a rare indie gem?) posted next week.
Or, maybe, you have similar reasons for loving horror that you never felt ārightā about sharing because no one else had. If thatās the case, I hope this post was a comforting validation of your preferences. Itās okay: Iām āweirdā too.
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So thatās how it was! Yeah, after hearing that I donāt blame you for having a knee-jerk reaction about telling someone if you preferred chocolate over vanilla. Now Iām even more glad youāre where you are now, if that was possible. Writing further about your emotions around publicly sharing your feelings is really brave, and I bet youāve encouraged a lot of other folks who also struggle with that. Sure sounds like it, anyway! I know youād hoped that you could build a safe and friendly place for people to share their love of horror, and I think youāve officially knocked it out of the park.
Iām very, very glad Iām where I am now too. But I donāt consider myself brave at allā¦ Itās often difficult for me to put my feelings/thoughts/experiences into words, but I feel compelled to do so because itās almost always worth it. Not just for myself. I donāt want to self-inflate my own importance at all, but I feel like (or at least hope!), my sharing does help at least some folks. People tend to feel alone in their struggles (physical/mental/emotional) when things are normal, so I figured that people must be feeling extra alone with their internal ādemonsā (nagging self-doubt, frustrations, worries, etc.) now. Everyone is isolated now in one way or another. Physically due to the lockdown, and mentally/emotionally because their support systems are often out of reach. And, while Iām isolated with my supportive husband + parents, not everyone is as lucky as I am. Some of my friends are now trapped with abusive housemates, and that breaks my heart. Itās difficult for me to share, but I donāt think itās ābraveā because thereās no real risk (for me) in doing so. Even though itās uncomfortable, I know Iāll ultimately be āokay.ā Iām at a place where Iām extremely blessed/lucky and in a position where I can freely āhelpā by sharingā¦ even if itās just to help folks feel a little less weird about loving horror movies so much because āHey! That gal over at HorrorFam.com is weird too!ā
And thank you! I do hope this post, and all our posts, give people that safe/friendly vibe and that they leave each article and podcast episode with a smile. Putting the āfamilyā back in āHorror Family.ā hehe. I love our cozy lil horror site!! ā„
My response is option 4, I think your reasons are a cool and interesting thing to read about that I can relate with easily, but Iām also genuinely sorry youāve been so scared just to tell us how you feel about such an innocent topic for your whole life? To me thatās like the chick in the romance movie who makes no sense to you.
But I suspect the children with the rocks may have a lot to do with that. I think itās possible to ālearn the lessonā that youāll be punished by the world for saying how you really feel, even if thatās BS and even if itās about a topic that may seem perfectly normal (not fraught) to other people. If thatās whatās up, Iām so so glad that youāre unlearning it. Anyone who canāt deal with you being yourself can kindly walk away, in my humble opinion. Iām glad you found the guy in your life to walk towards and Iām glad that you did it. May the rest of your days be filled with gloriously strange music.
Iāve been pondering for days on how to reply to your message (itād be rude not to!) without endangering my safety (mental or otherwise). Basically, I was always āweirdā (my thought processes differ from most), but it never really bothered me. Even if I was bullied at school, I still had an extremely supportive home life. I was always quiet, preferring to listen (unless something REALLY piqued my interest and then Iād talk far too much lol ā but, even as a child, I generally preferred to write as my writing skills have always surpassed my verbal abilities), but I was never āshy.ā I was extremely confident, even in my most āoddā moments. I was winning awards for my writing and my intelligence, I earned a 2nd-degree black belt (despite my physical limitations), etc. I was rockinā it.
But, although I feel emotions deeply, Iām not always good at describing my feelings. Sometimes because I genuinely donāt know exactly what Iām feeling until Iāve pondered it from every angle. And I donāt like to talk about things until Iām āsure.ā Unfortunately, waiting to be āsureā of things isnāt always the best course of action, and feelings tend to erupt from us with a will of their own, whether we āunderstandā what they are or notā¦
As you know, I was violently raped in 2008, losing the virginity that Iād been saving for marriage. I kept it to myself to āprotectā my family (I knew it would break their hearts, and I, wrongly, thought it would be better to handle the situation on my own). But, my emotions after the incident were out of control, and I was unintentionally (and obliviously) lashing out. It put a strain on my support system (who absolutely would have helped me, if only I had been āwith itā enough to at least try to describe what I was going through). I, sadly, took their (valid) confusion to MY confusion as a form of rejection. It wasnāt. But, again, sadly, I wasnāt able to discover that until years later due to being isolated from themā¦
Iāve always been a bit gullible/naive due to how my brain works and my general optimism. My belief in the āgoodā in others combined with my decreased ability to āreadā people has made me a fool more than once. (Basically, people say they ācareā for me and are my āfriendā and I believe itās the truth). During that emotionally-wrought time period, when I was especially confused and far-too-easy to manipulate, I made a very poor choice in friends. Who became my āonlyā friendā¦ Who, after my initial confusion became severe self-doubt (all my confidence from childhood, teens, early twenties 100% gone), became my ābrain.ā
Years later, when my āonlyā friend told me to kill myself, I did. I was no longer interesting and was no longer providing status (Iād lost my āhotnessā due to weight gain and was an āembarrassmentā physically; and my āworthā as a human was directly tied to my finances, which werenāt up-to-par), so my life was deemed disposable. Fortunately, it was one of the tasks I was given that I ultimately āfailedā at (Iām alive!), but thatās a pretty good example of how far gone I was by the time I finally got help.
After my suicide attempt, I attended years of therapy for PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD tendencies (I donāt have ātrueā OCD, I developed severe OCD traits as a flawed coping mechanism), andā¦ narcissist abuse syndrome. (That last one is one Iāve never shared publicly and Iām still unsure if itās truly safe to do so, even now). I underwent in-depth treatment to undo (most) of the gaslighting/brainwashing, but I still have bad days. When Iām unsure if itās āokayā to really be me without being punished. I came from an environment where parting my hair on the āwrongā side was unacceptable and warranted an hours-long silent treatment! And hair-parting is a minor offense ā so is it really āokayā to share my ālameā thoughts on a topic as cherished/important as horror?? :O
I do beat myself up sometimes over being so easily-manipulated, for getting so confused, and wasting a decade of my life (2007-2017 RIP) isolated from those I love who really love me. But, I donāt believe in regrets. Everything happens for a reason; and, if I changed the past, I wouldnāt be where I am now: Finally happy and surrounded by wonderfulness. It was a hard road, for sure, but it didnāt make me hard. I came out the same loving bubbly kid. I just try to take what people say with a grain of salt now, for my own safety [Iāve never been adept at lying (except by omission, but thatās usually unintentional or because Iām keeping someone elseās secret), but other folks seem to be scarily skilled at it! lol].
And, of course, I still love horror! So, for all the reasons I listed in the article and one more (a chance at a fresh start!), HorrorFam.com and the horror genre mean the world to me. Through our humble site, Iāve been able to reconnect with my roots/who I was, and re-establish who I still/really am. And though itās difficult to write the articles sometimes (either due to overthinking, struggling with my physical ailments while fighting to be productive, and/or the multiple crunched deadlines when Iām the only one on duty that week), Iām always ecstatic once I hit āPublish.ā Every piece, even the ones that arenāt overtly personal (like this one), is a small act of ārebellionā against former abuse and a piece of my soul reclaimed.
And, yep! Frank and my folks always have my back. Even though this topic won the recent poll, even though itās a question Iāve been asked my entire life, and even though I wrote the ENTIRE thingā¦ I almost didnāt hit āPublish.ā That voice came into my head, telling me I was stupid and that my opinion had no value. Frank told me otherwise. Now, after only being up for SIX DAYS, this post is the third most visited/read page on our ENTIRE website! Soā¦ even though you, my dear friend and co-founder, are the only one who commented on it publiclyā¦ I think a lot of people relate to it, even if theyāre unable to say so. (Iāve already been blessed with some beautiful emails and DMs from folks saying so!).
2020 has been difficult for everyone in different ways. For me, Iāve had a few (minor) PTSD relapses this year due to the lockdown. After being isolated for a decade, itās extremely uncomfortable being forced into isolation again. Iām a bit of a homebody and I donāt go out much, but I like knowing that I can whenever I want to. Soā¦ being told, once again, that the outside world is not āallowedā has been rough. Fortunately, this time, Iām isolated in a home filled with nothing but LOVE so, when I get fussy about it, Iām immediately comforted and can snap myself out of my funk quickly. ā„ And, of course, I have a ton of online friends (like you!) who I can chat with (freely/unmonitored). And I get to interact with all of our amazing HorrorFam.com readers/listeners/guest writers/podcast guests!! It feels āwrongā to admit this, but, compared to what I escaped from and the previous decade of my life, my year running HorrorFam.com ā even though itās 2020, even though we were deathly ill in February, even though my uterus tried to murder me last month ā has been one of the absolute BEST years Iāve had in a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong timeā¦ Thank you for being a part of it.